Something about Trust and Safety

[Circa 04:30 2 ott 2024.]

Initiated thought circa 01:33:17 30 set 2024.

I don't know. You'll see it. Somehow, you'll see the through line.

... I've been leaving the house with less and less. I've been carrying smaller bags. Going farther with fewer things. I've been leaving with nothing. With even no thought.

I've been coming home putting things down and leaving again. I've been offloading. I've been changing my game. I've been changing how I play.

I don't script like I used to it's easy. I'm less socially drained. There's nothing to prepare for. I can handle it I know I can. I've trained and I've trained and I can handle it I know it can. I'm less socially drained. I don't use my training I don't need it. I don't need scripts. I go out in the world and I be. I exist in the world and I be. I don't need scripts I don't use my training and I'm less socially drained. I can handle it.

I was laughing a few months ago thinking about men. They amuse me, much in the ways anyone can, but in this, there is a particular phenomenon amongst men. They carry small bags. They carry nothing. Forgive my generalisation. But it is common, it has been noted. I thought, they feel safe. This isn't true, generally, but they feel safe. If not safe, they do not feel so threatened they need to prepare. They have what they need on their person and they presume no matter what happens they are prepared for their day. This is of course not just men, forgive my generalisation, but it's a phenomenon common amongst those socialised as Men.

I've been leaving the house with fewer and fewer things I haven't been scripting there's been less and less time between my thoughts and the actions that follow my ideas and the execution the thought and the production. I've been steady. I've been consistent. I've been good.

The lands are equal the territories are equal. I've been feeling as at ease outside of a house as I do inside. I've been feeling more seated outside a house than I do in one. I've been feeling more me outside a house than I do in one. I've identified a planet as a home because I'm always home. If I'm the home, I'm at home and I leave the house.

I've been making decisions. It's easy. I used to think I was indecisive. I make decisions and it's easy. I can handle it. I can handle what comes and make more decisions as it does. I can handle it. Because of this it's easy to make decisions. All there is is life and death and I can handle it. I suppose there's pain, but I can handle it and that's life, if there are only two, that falls under the former and that's life, and I can handle life so I make decisions. I make them because I know what I want and nothing is insurmountable just another factor to take in. I make decisions and something happens maybe I like it and maybe I don't. If I don't I've entered new data and life goes on so I've handled it.

I've been leaving the house with fewer things, I haven't been scripting, I be, the territories are equal, I ease outside the house, ease [a verb], I [be at ease] when I leave, I ease when I leave, I've been using smaller and smaller bags, I leave with nothing on my person, and I handle it, I travel miles like I travel inches and I'm always at ease it is easy. I've been relieved.

I learned a few months ago to be and always just be and I've always just been, but I had thought there were people who allow you to be and there are people who do not and thought you can always be but you mask for the people who do not. I learned a few months ago to be and only be, for all, and it has been easy. I've been relieved. I haven't been scripting like I used to and I can handle it because I'm at ease. I love it. It is easy.

I change and I be in many ways and I allow myself to be. I had thought to be I need to be only one and I realised I am not one I am always many and have always been and what it means for me to just be is to be the many I've always been. To be one is not to be me and I am me. I love to be.

I've been in the world and it is easy and I don't know how I had thought it wasn't easy. I don't know what is 'easy'. It has occurred to me I don't know the difference between 'hard' and 'easy'. I struggle sometimes. I struggle with words which now has me amused maybe I do know hard and easy, but no I don't know 'easy'. I'm often inclined to use 'easy' but I note there is resistance to language of 'easy' but I don't know 'hard', that's not true I know when something is not 'easy' there are a few, I have ideas of 'not easy', but I often disagree on what is 'hard' but it's only a word it's only subjective of course I disagree there's room. I don't know the difference between 'easy' and I can handle it, it can be done. If I can handle it and it can be done then it is easy, it will be done, if I wish. If it takes time, it takes time and it can still be easy, if it takes effort it takes effort and it is easy if I must think then I must think and it is easy I don't know when it's supposed to not be easy ["supposed to" to who? I don't know because for me it's easy]. If it takes me ten years then it takes me ten years and it is easy. What makes it not easy? Are you distressed?

I'm at ease and it's easy. I'm not distressed and it's easy. Maybe if distressed then it's not easy. This might make sense. I'm frequently at ease when I "shouldn't" be so then it's easy.

I can do things because I'm okay with what's to come. I'm happy with what's to come. What's to come is life and life has been and life will come and it is easy I like life. I love it and it is easy. I trust I can handle what's to come I know I endure I have before I suffer and I endure I hurt and I endure and I smile and I laugh and I joy and I live and it is easy.

So I make decisions, I leave the house with less and less, I travel farther with fewer things, I make shorter plans, I partner with instincts, I travel miles like I travel half inches, I haven't been scripting, I make decisions, and I think. I be and create and I am.

I used to study my through lines, I don't know if this is true, but I had studied a through line and I used to escape it was something about eloping I used to escape I used to run free.

I travel in now and I travel out, but I travel in, I don't need to escape because I can sit in and I can be and I live.

I travel in the world and I travel out of it, and I did much of the travelling out, but I travel in now and I live and it is easy. [05:37:30 2 oct 2024.]

5:44:23.