Representation
20:44:35 7 dic 2025
My life has only ever been saved by witness of life.
December 7, 2025
5:00
Every time there is a part of myself I am afraid of, I find representation for it, because I’m confident it exists. I just need to find it.
At first, I continue to be myself and I do it afraid. I do it with shame. I do it knowing the criticism I might face. And then slowly, but surely, I seek inspiration. I find representation. I continue being myself, and slowly, but surely, find one image, maybe two, maybe four and a few, of individuals emanating a similar energy, making facial expressions I make, with features I see on my face, and I continue being. I realise I define my sense of normal. And I go on finding a sense of normal. With people who are normal. Amongst people who are normal. My kind of normal. The normal I am. The normal I want to be.
5:03
You know I used to refuse to smile in public?
And then I saw more smiles in pictures. I saw more of my smile in pictures. That’s what I needed.
5:04
5:14
I don’t necessarily need to find an image of me. But every time there is a supposed rule, I find an image that disproves it. That disproves the existence of said rule. Every time there is a rule about a feature or a way of existing. I simply find the exceptions. And I move forward.
5:16
5:24
I don’t need a narrow jaw, I’ve felt too much beauty from square jaws, I don’t need narrow hips, I’ve felt too much beauty from wider hips, I don’t need a smiling face, I’ve felt too much beauty from the resting face, I don’t need to “play it cool”, I’ve felt too much beauty from the smiling, laughing, feeling face, I don’t need pierced ears, I’ve felt too much beauty from closed ears, I don’t “need” anything in particular because whatever I’m told I’m needing I can find exceptions for and I keep moving.
5:33
5:39
I’ve learned there was never a problem with my presentation. The people in the spaces I was in had simply never seen that presentation. It wasn’t unusual. It wasn’t abnormal. They just lacked experience. Once I began looking in different spaces for examples of presentations that matched my presentations, I realised there are infinitely many ways to be normal. I am not normal, but I always am.
5:40
5:49
I’m the ultimate judgement. It doesn’t matter that no one else liked her. I liked her. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks of her. I liked her.
In reference to a specific character that was key in my witness of life. In my establishment of beauty and normal.
6:43
There are people in the world who know how to love that thing. Keep being.
A closing thought from an internal monologue not included. I was reminded of something I said a few days prior. Whatever it is you think you need to change, people like you can be loved. There is someone out there with that very characteristic being loved like you've never seen someone be loved before. The problem was never you, it was if the people around you can love. If they know how to love, how to love what is you. There are characteristics you will carry that will be so judged. And then you'll see it in someone else, who is publicly loved, and you'll think but they love them, what is the difference. There is no difference. That's the point. People are inconsistent. And they are not making absolute judgements. The judgements are relative to what they've been told and do not come from their own heart, so you mustn't listen. You cannot listen to each and every word of every individual. Just know, there are people in the world who know how to love that thing. Keep being that thing. You were never a problem. Ignore the scripts they run and simply keep being. You don't need to be a match to everyone's love. Simply keep being.
6:45
What’s most important is you are reminded of everyone’s inconsistency. You must remember their madness. Because if you believe for a moment they are never mad, they could never be mad, what they say is gospel, you risk losing yourself. If you see them as right.
