Mind

16:28:58 8 Nov 2024

I don't know what to do with my mind. She's funny. She entertains me, that one. I'm joking, of course, but maybe more precisely, she consistently keeps me shocked. I'm always in awe. I seem to speak to things before I truly know and understand the gravity of what it is I am speaking. I come here I speak, I tell you thoughts, I tell you things, I tell you something, I share, and I move on with my day. Nearly every time I do this, in the following days or hours, several conversations with myself arise in which I deduce the same result. Whatever analysis I have done, whatever reasoning I have done, whatever thing I have done has produced something greater than I even imagined. Greater than I could conceive of. I speak on one domain and over the next few days, the next few hours, somehow it just so happens I am given the opportunity to deduce the same result in several other domains. I do not realise I am working towards the result as it is happening. I think I am just doing my regular thing. Thinking thoughts. Asking questions. And somehow, nearly always within minutes of each other, hours of each other, arise several situations drawing me to the same conclusions spoken prior. When I've first spoken these arguments, these reasons, these conclusions, I am not aware of their depth. Of their reach. I do not realise the full gravity of what I am saying when I say it. I don't even entirely feel I produce it myself, it feels my mind is producing it and I happen to be documenting what it tells me. The me, the usual me, is not speaking. Sometimes hardly thinking. Words are just following one after another and I do as I'm told. I've volunteered to dictate, to sit and listen, to document, to transcribe, and I do as I'm told. Sometimes I type, I write, I speak, and I think that doesn't make sense, does it? What have you just said? and I stop and I use me, me me and I reason and I check and I find oh, wait it does make sense. How did that happen? How did you make sense? You didn't even know, your mind made sense before you did. You wouldn't have even said this on your own because you would've leaned too heavily on pre-conceptions of logic and "English" and you would not have allowed words in the same way, you would not have thought to have them move in the same way. Your mind is making sense before you do and you so happen to be listening, you are letting it make the sense it knows how to make. I enjoy her, I really do. Absolutely fascinates me.

Anyway, I've just learned for about the 4th time today Do not tell them what to do. Give them reason. I've deduced this in an entirely separate domain than it was first discussed and when it clicked I couldn't believe the answer I'd found. I'm not sure I quite realised how profound this could be and exactly every situation in which it would apply. It reminds me of learning Be yourself over and over at the start of 2024. Not only at the start of 2024, but this is something we're usually told throughout our lives, particularly through childhood. But it was not grasped. It was in late winter and spring of 2024, 20-plus years in, that I had a profound realisation of exactly what that means. It is not a joke, a platitude, it is not simple. It is simple, but it is not simple. I believe because we use it frequently around children, its gravity is reduced. It's not actually reduced, but we treat it as if it is as we do many things concerning children. We dismiss interests, colours, behaviours, passions, reasoning systems, etc. associated with children. If nearly all children's shows carry a message of Be yourself, we dismiss this too. That's just something you say to children. It's not for humans, it's for children. Are the children not human? What do they grow into. What are you observing when you look at a child. You are observing the early stages of what, exactly. Anything for children is for humans, it serves the same end. [As I say this now Anything for children is for humans, I get the sense this will hit me over the next few days as well. Given the pattern, I'm not sure I quite understand what I just said. Somehow, in several ways I will need this lesson over the week and it will change me profoundly. It's happening again.]. We do not think of Be yourself for humans, we think of Be yourself for kids and we do not think of kids as humans, we do not think of them the same as adult humans, we do not think of them as "people". When we say "people", we describe adults, we use images of adults, we reference behaviours of adults, we give advice for adults, we theorise on adults, etc. We do not think of kids as people. They are kept separate.

Anyway, I learned Be yourself in 2024 and I could not stop laughing. It would happen over and over again, every time I had a profound shift resolving difficulties I had for years, some over a decade, Be Yourself was attached. I feel something now even thinking about it. A sensation up my spine, a growing in my chest. I cannot describe to you how profound it is. I don't know if I have adequate language and I know it could easily occupy several hours of time. You may not even believe me now or quite grasp what I'm saying as I say this to you. You may read me unable to contain myself over the grandness of Be yourself and walk away momentarily considering it, but ultimately using patterns you know and finding reason to be other than yourself on several occasions within the next 24 hours. The next week, the next month, the next life. You may not, I don't know. It doesn't matter either way, as in, it's okay either way. I used 20-plus years to learn and that's okay. Some use 10. Some use 15. Some use 60. We have different experiences, we encounter different people, most of whom have not learned Be yourself, and many of whom do them mandate we are not ourselves. They do things to coerce our cooperation. We want to be ourselves, of course, that's obvious, but we must learn Be yourself, truly, and we must learn how. So it's okay, however you leave me, there is always time to learn. Again, learn. To be told is not to learn. You do not learn Calculus, every time I tell you of it. You do not learn, deeply, Calculus, the first time you are told of Calculus. So, it's okay. It's only time. Learn. I repeat told vs. learn more to communicate it is not necessarily something learned in childhood, no matter how you are told. Learning takes much more than receiving information. It typically needs a reasoning system to go with it and reasoning is built, it is strengthened. Do you see what I mean? Do not tell them what to do. Give them reason. I am not presenting reasoning and analysis here because I do have other tasks to tend to, but I'll think on it. I'll think what I could possibly do. How do I give reason. How do I teach, truly, Be yourself.

Anyway, I learned Be yourself and I could not stop laughing. I think I was laughing at the absurdity of it all. I could not believe what was happening it was remarkable. I could not believe every situation in which Be yourself provided solutions. I could not believe it was easy. I was stunned, in awe. Laughter throughout the day, through every day, week after week, for months and even still. Be yourself. Be yourself. Be yourself. Be yourself. Be yourself. If felt much like a joke. I felt I had been played with. There was something I knew, something obvious, something I had from conception. It was all I knew. Be yourself. And I grew and I moved and I was told on several occasions, over and over, Be yourself [my god, we're already at 1,500 words]. And I didn't fight it. I didn't have reason to. I thought it made sense, I agreed it made sense, and I received Be yourself. I said okay. It's not as if they said Be yourself and I said No, in my head or outside. I agreed. I said yes. Sense. I already prefer this, it is the first thing I knew, the first thing I've ever known. Got it. Be yourself. And somehow, life. And then, life.

I had the answer first. It was the only thing I knew it was all that you knew. Someone told me the answer again. Again and again. They told me again and again and again. Someones told me the answer, they all did, many of them. And I said yes, okay, and I left this telling, and I was lost. I had difficulty. Do you know what happened? Do you know what I realised happened? Realised now as I'm speaking to you? They did not teach. Not only did they not teach, they did not give me reason. [Do you see? Do you see what I mean? It is happening again. I'm having a feeling in my back. They did not teach. Do not tell them what to do. Give them reason. My mind is connecting before I do and drawing me to connections it makes I don't know where I'm going I just keep typing, keep speaking, keep talking until it's done [1,711 words of keep talking] and I keep going and I keep going until it's done. These are happenings more than thoughts, I'm not sure I always know the difference. I do what I'm told and it helps me.]. They did not teach. They did not give me a reason. A system for reason. A command is not reason. You could offer me the outcome of reason and I can change my behaviour against it, according to it, I could do my best to align with it. But this is fundamentally not the same as giving me reason. Teaching me to reason. How to reason around this thing. You tell me to Be yourself. And I say okay. You tell me in the context of friendship, saying hello on the street... [17:48:41.].

[17:53:15.] I had taken a break, but I had to come back to you to tell you, anagnorisis. I think what I'm having is anagnorisis which is why it is hitting me so profoundly. I study this. I've studied this and I nearly missed it. It just came to me grandly, anagnorisis. Anagnorisis – the point in a play, novel, etc., in which a principal character recognizes or discovers the true nature of their own circumstances; a moment in a play or other work when a character makes a critical discovery; in Greek, recognition. Let me tell you anagnorisis. It is the moment Oedipus realises he is his father's murderer and his mother's lover. I will tell you anagnorisis. It is flachback, it is deep revelation unearthing, unrooting your entire life everything you have ever known, ever touched, ever done. It is shattering. It is breaking. Of you, it is breaking. They tell me this could be epiphany, but I think it separate. They wer very different things. They suggest anagnorisis is tragic, always with sorrow, but I disagree. I use a combination of the Greek word and literary meaning. It is recognition, but I need you to understand its profundity with aid from its literary meaning, from literary use. [18:08:17.]

[02:06:37 30 ott 2025: This has been published from drafts and remains in the state it was left in, disrupted, unfinished.]