I have more to say on Love

[21:29:15 25 ott 2024.]

Do you see the issue? It is easy to love. But to talk about it seems to invite endless thoughts, streams, and clarifications. I don't care that I love everyone. I'm just tired. But first, clarifications on love [through the understanding of I want you well].

I'm still unsure of whether I love every entity that lives. I'm not even sure why I speak of who lives, of course love extends beyond "life". I think what is true is that there is no human to have existed that I want unwell. That does not happen. I then get confused by the I want you well understanding of love. I do not want you unwell. Does that mean I love you? Of course not. I know this. I'm concluding not.

There are the fundamentals that exist for most all that lives, and certainly all people (I say most all to be safe, but I can currently think of no exceptions). I do not know what it is to experience a desire for someone to suffer or be unwell.

I have tried to take examples of people who've done things that are to some extent inconceivable, and I mean this literally. I mean inconceivable in the way your mind literally cannot conceive of numbers beyond a certain size, you could quite quickly work yourself into a migraine trying to count up and keep track. Inconceivable. Our hardware, our minds, what we have will not consciously compute, not entirely. I have tried to take examples of people who have done things I could find inconceivable. I sit in a room with them. I sit with the feeling of sitting in a room with them and at most, I feel nothing. Nothing in my hands, nothing in my throat, nothing in my chest, nothing in my back, nothing in my jaw, nothing in my feet. Nothing.

If offered the opportunity to do such a person harm, I have no desire to say yes. I do not want them harmed. I might be thinking of how to help them have understanding, as the logical reasoning of these people tends to be gravely deficient. I'm also thinking of where else I'd like to be, things I do want to do, whatever I've deemed a priority. It's as if the more you do harm, the more love there is to give. The more people you harm, the more people there are to give love, the more people need to be tended to. You begin to matter less, the space you occupy in a mind shrinks into a corner as the room fills with all the people who need to be shown love as a result of you. The more you hurt, the more nothing you become. You are actively working yourself into nothingness. So I think of these people and I do not want them unwell. Quite unusually, my mind begins to blank. But outside of that, it's just love. Love fills the room and I don't want them unwell. It's between nothing and ever-expanding love.

Punishment has always been quite meaningless to me. I think what I mean is it's never on my mind. It's not a focus. I don't think of someone's harm. I think of restoration or prevention. I acknowledge there are situations in which prevention or impeding someone's ability to do harm involves an activity that will cause them pain, but that seems more a consequence, not the objective. I'm not thinking harm [e.g. self-defence, debilitating an assailant by shooting them in the leg, etc.]. Outright suffering has always seemed quite useless to me.

We're getting away from the point here, but I think desiring someone's suffering has often been used as a stand-in for desiring emotional validation, desiring understanding, desiring compassion, desiring empathy, desiring to see behaviour changed, desiring to have someone understand what you're thinking. What you're feeling. Desiring suffering often seems to trace to desiring understanding. These understandings can be reached without suffering. What's more, they can be reached more efficiently and more precisely. More accurately. Making suffering a primary pursuit typically has other consequences and while it may change behaviour (because the other prioritises their survival) you cannot be sure you have truly achieved understanding.

Anyway, for many reasons, I have never wanted someone unwell. I've never desired suffering. For that reason, I become tempted to say yes, of course, I love all. But to not want anyone unwell is not logically equivalent to wanting everyone well. I'm tempted to say we've arrived at an impasse, but I don't think we did. I think this it. We have our final statement [for now].

The truth: There is no one I want unwell.

Why does that seem meaningless?

Anyway, that was for the ones who might do the inconceivable. The rest are easy. Of course I love you. Was that ever even in question?

[22:07:44.]

[22:36:18.]

I really am tired. I'd like rest.

There is no one I want unwell. The suffering in people that do harm, I do not have a desire for it to persist. I do not desire their suffering. I want it resolved. I do not desire for their unwellness to persist. I want the unwellness made well. I want their ability to do harm impeded. I want a priority of who needs to be restored and I want their unwellness made well.

What I mean to say is I might actively want them well which returns me to I want all to be well. I [might] love all (I do, I know I do, I'm just afraid, but that's okay). I want you well.

Good night.

[22:42:55.]